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| Just Engaged! |
On Friday we got news from son #1 that he was intending proposing to his GF. I've not included any shots of their faces as I protect their anonymity here just like ours. They have been together 3 years now and had talked about getting married, even putting a deposit down on the engagement ring. It turns out the jeweler got the ring done 4 weeks earlier than he was supposed to so it was a surprise for her. Fortunately, she said yes :) They were snowshoeing with friends at the top of Mt Tremblant and he got down on one knee (difficult in snowshoes) and asked the question.
So, there will be a wedding summer of 2021 which we will need to plan for, both travel-wise as it will be in Ottawa and money-wise. We decided a very long time ago that when each kid hit certain milestones we would give then a set amount of money. With 4 kids you really do need to be even about this kind of thing. We gave them each $1000 when they graduated high school. A wedding will be a $5000 flat contribution, buying a first home another $5000. After that, they are on their own. And no co-signing. If they screw up their credit or can't get a loan then that's their deal. Their education funds were saved for many years ago, so once they max that out they are on their own for that too - one kid is going back to school this year and already used his education fund so he will have to pay for this round through student loans. This plan may sound both mean and generous at the same time - but we are not those parents who are willing to pay for their kid's free ride. We worked very hard to get what we have and they will too. Funnily enough, son #1 who just got engaged is the same kid who said he was never going to get married (said about 8 years ago) and grilled us as to what would happen if he never got married, would he get that money anyway. Nope! And if you want to elope and have a $200 wedding in Vegas so be it, we are fine with that. He happens to be the first one to get married, which we never fail to kid him about.
I did manage to get the entire house cleaned including the dreaded oven. It was terrible but it's done. I even got some baseboards painted. We need to finish painting the dining room, kitchen and living room ceiling tray and then the painting is done....until we tackle the bathrooms but that may be a long time from now.
We have been talking to landscapers, are making another investment in our property this Spring in the form of a professionally installed brick patio off the house - another 360 sq feet. This will allow us to have somewhere to eat outside and really increase our joy in this property. Hard to imagine but it was just a year ago when we thought we were going to sell and buy a different property. Since then we recarpeted 3 rooms, bought new bedroom furniture, turned our spare bedroom into a real spare bedroom with proper furniture, painted the eaves on the front of the house and embarked on painting the inside of the house.
I don't love condos...so many people say they want to sell their high maintenance homes and buy a condo in retirement. That is not for us, ever. We've had several discussions. Most condo fees are very high, and you still pay taxes. Once we can't do everything ourselves we will hire those jobs out, still likely cheaper in the end with us staying in our cozy bungalow that we have changed to suit us over the years. This is part of the reason I am so happy we own the house free and clear, it is so scary to even think about hitting retirement with a mortgage. There is so much freedom in owning our home free and clear. At a certain point if that becomes too much then we will sell the house and rent.
We don't really celebrate Valentines day except this year I got hubby a card and a chocolate bar and he bought me roses. Very low key the way we like it. It's a long weekend here in Canada, Family Day for most of the country on Monday. I am volunteering at the animal rescue and think we will likely be pretty busy. Other than that, today is a day of relaxation. We both need it.
So, there will be a wedding summer of 2021 which we will need to plan for, both travel-wise as it will be in Ottawa and money-wise. We decided a very long time ago that when each kid hit certain milestones we would give then a set amount of money. With 4 kids you really do need to be even about this kind of thing. We gave them each $1000 when they graduated high school. A wedding will be a $5000 flat contribution, buying a first home another $5000. After that, they are on their own. And no co-signing. If they screw up their credit or can't get a loan then that's their deal. Their education funds were saved for many years ago, so once they max that out they are on their own for that too - one kid is going back to school this year and already used his education fund so he will have to pay for this round through student loans. This plan may sound both mean and generous at the same time - but we are not those parents who are willing to pay for their kid's free ride. We worked very hard to get what we have and they will too. Funnily enough, son #1 who just got engaged is the same kid who said he was never going to get married (said about 8 years ago) and grilled us as to what would happen if he never got married, would he get that money anyway. Nope! And if you want to elope and have a $200 wedding in Vegas so be it, we are fine with that. He happens to be the first one to get married, which we never fail to kid him about.
I did manage to get the entire house cleaned including the dreaded oven. It was terrible but it's done. I even got some baseboards painted. We need to finish painting the dining room, kitchen and living room ceiling tray and then the painting is done....until we tackle the bathrooms but that may be a long time from now.
We have been talking to landscapers, are making another investment in our property this Spring in the form of a professionally installed brick patio off the house - another 360 sq feet. This will allow us to have somewhere to eat outside and really increase our joy in this property. Hard to imagine but it was just a year ago when we thought we were going to sell and buy a different property. Since then we recarpeted 3 rooms, bought new bedroom furniture, turned our spare bedroom into a real spare bedroom with proper furniture, painted the eaves on the front of the house and embarked on painting the inside of the house.
I don't love condos...so many people say they want to sell their high maintenance homes and buy a condo in retirement. That is not for us, ever. We've had several discussions. Most condo fees are very high, and you still pay taxes. Once we can't do everything ourselves we will hire those jobs out, still likely cheaper in the end with us staying in our cozy bungalow that we have changed to suit us over the years. This is part of the reason I am so happy we own the house free and clear, it is so scary to even think about hitting retirement with a mortgage. There is so much freedom in owning our home free and clear. At a certain point if that becomes too much then we will sell the house and rent.
We don't really celebrate Valentines day except this year I got hubby a card and a chocolate bar and he bought me roses. Very low key the way we like it. It's a long weekend here in Canada, Family Day for most of the country on Monday. I am volunteering at the animal rescue and think we will likely be pretty busy. Other than that, today is a day of relaxation. We both need it.
I agree about condos and hiring work out as we age and can no longer do our own.
ReplyDeleteWe also own our home free and clear any renos we do now will be so we can stay in our home for as long as possible.
God bless.
We have difficulty dealing with the "BS" involved in having a group of condo association people telling others what they must do. This way no one can do that to us. Plus, condo fees are not cheap these days so it seems strange to me that we can stay cheaper in a house but some of the condo fees are $500-$800 a month - ridiculous. I could hire a gardener and someone to clean our house for way way less than that (not that we will though lol)
DeleteCongratulation on your son's engagement! I totally understand and agree with your way of giving them money. Years ago, when my SIS was getting married, mom had calculated every penny she spent on her and then gifted me the same amount of money. I had asked her what if I got married later on. She laughed and said "Not a penny more!"
ReplyDeleteIt just makes it so much easier to not cause difficulty among the kids and us. There is one kid who would fully take advantage of us if we allowed, this way, none of them can do that. We are very firm when we need to be.
DeleteCongratulations to the newly engaged! Very daring to offer the ring in the snow! I love doing landscaping and will get vicarious pleasure from seeing developments at your place!
ReplyDeleteLol, he is such a responsible guy, I know he probably was gripping it with his life all the way up the hill that day
Deletecongratulations on the engagement! I think thats a very wise way of supporting the kids financially, very fair.
ReplyDeleteWe can afford to and also want to be equal among them - they have been told this all along and know. I think that makes them happier too
DeleteCongratulations to the engaged couple. I think getting down on one knee was probably the easy part - getting up would be the bit I would be worried about! And I think you are both generous and wise in how you are dealing with the kids - 4 kids takes some dealing with financially any way you look at it and I think you are very fair (and generous)!
ReplyDeleteThe kids know that their dad paid ALOT of money in child support over the years and that the bank of Dad is no more, but we are going to give them these gifts to help out along the way. We will not, however, bail them out. If they get into a situation financially they will just have to deal with it, just as we have done our whole lives.
DeleteI love the way y’all do things!
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda
DeleteCongratulations to the happy couple!
ReplyDeleteIn my case, had I not helped my daughter out financially with the downpayment on her house, she and Eli would still be living with me. I love the kid but that would be too much.
I'm one of those who is hoping to move to a condo. My house and yard are just too much work, plus I really want to be able to travel more. An apartment style condo with either a patio or a balcony would be my choice, as I could shut the door and walk away for a bit of time. Much easier for those who need to check on it to ensure no frozen pipes and water leaks.
But we all have different aspirations. Your home is working so well for you, I can understand wanting to stay there. It sounds lovely!
I understand about condos, after owning a couple I see the other side of them too. Our very well run condo(Mom lives in) is about to have to increase condo fees again since insurance companies gave huge increases to condos to insure the structures this year. We are just waiting to see how much before they can tell us the increase. Also, I hate how they just decided no one can feed birds anymore other than hummingbirds because of the occasional rat. Unfortunately rats are simply the norm around here, not feeding birds won't eradicate them.
DeleteI agree also that you are very generous and smart to offer the kids the same thing across the board. My brother "borrowed" thousands of dollars from my dad and never paid it back. When my dad cut him off, he got really mad. Best to set the rules right from the beginning to avoid problems later. Congrats on the engagement!
ReplyDeleteI know other families who weren't as even with the gifts and the other kids held it against the parents forever, way too difficult with 4
DeleteWhat a wonderful way to help your children at important milestones. What a lovely place and way to propose. - Margy
ReplyDeleteThey are very outdoorsy, do a lot of winter camping on snowshoes in huts and that sort of thing so this was perfect
DeleteCongratulations to the happy couple. What lucky kids to get such generous gifts.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about the funerals.
Liking the plans for your garden, that'll be a lovely spot to adorn with some gorgeous pot plants and a glass of vino or two! xxx
Yes, I've been collecting pots but likely will buy a bunch more :)
DeleteI like your approach with the milestones, and we will likely do something similar. We were just visiting Canada this week - our kids first time out of the country. We had an amazing time in Whistler, and visiting my husband's family in Vancouver. Weather was perfect!
ReplyDeleteCongrats to your son!
So glad you got good weather for your Whistler trip - February has been so much nicer than January
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