I heard from my best friend yesterday - her Mom had unexpectedly passed away in the night. It was really out of left field. Her Mom has not seen a doctor in 50 years as simply refused to. Up until this week there were no issues. At 80 years old she was still trucking along except she wanted her husband to do a little more around the house. My friend talked to her daily, has always. She never complained to anyone about feeling ill. My friend's father is almost deaf and he can't understand when you speak to him on the phone. He was the only one who knew she had not been feeling well this week. She ate little, didn't have a lot of energy. They usually go to the grocery store on Thursdays and this week she asked him to go alone. My friend thought that was due to the virus but it wasn't. They will never find out why she died, although my friend feels it was likely a heart issue. Right now they aren't even taking bodies to the morgue, straight to the funeral home if there is no chance of it being suspicious or covid related.
My heart is breaking for her. She is a 4 day drive away - 5 provinces. Her sister who lives an hour away from her Dad is dealing with things. She has asked my friend not to fly in as she is afraid that all the travel may infect her and potentially her Dad. There will be no funeral or service as my friends Mom wanted none. So my friend is stuck at home trying to grieve away from her entire family. I wanted to go over to her house but due to the stupid virus can't, although I may try and go talk to her in the yard in a day or two. She needed some rest yesterday so I talked to her then suggested she try and sleep.
Yes, all it takes is someone else's pain for you to realize how bloody good you've got it.
No funeral is just sad. Yes, my life is lovely in isolation.
ReplyDeleteYes, she wanted to be cremated and that was it. I am hoping they decide to have some sort of ceremony just for the immediate family when all is over so they can grieve properly
Deleteoh how very sad for your friend. that would be so difficult for everyone involved, and yes, this virus has certainly put things in perspective.
ReplyDeleteYes, it has. I feel terrible for her
DeleteI'm so sorry. It is fortunate that she has a good friend at least,like you, to be able to reach out locally. My sister felt bad not having a large funeral and gathering for her husband. We will help her with a celebration of his life once this passes. that was two weeks ago, and I have not heard of anyone getting sick, but every day I go out, I feel like I am starting a new calendar of worry.
ReplyDeleteI know, I keep thinking about your sister and her situation, again, heartbreaking.
DeleteI agree with Sam. That two week calendar of worry is a real thing. Yesterday my hubby told me he was working with another guy digging a hole to get at a pipe in the ground. I instantly felt a sense of dread and could hear the clock ticking in my head. It's so sad about your friend not being able to be with family to grieve the loss of a loved one. I think a lot of people with have big issues with not being able to say goodbye to the sick and not having traditional funerals which are a part of closure after a loss. It's all so terrible.
DeleteSocial isolation is causing a lot of emotional pain. Glad you can support your friend. We must all try to boost each other's spirits.
ReplyDeleteSocial isolation sucks, there is simply no other way to put it
DeleteMy condolences to you. There are many who would use this as an excuse to break isolation. It shows how much you and her family care about others that you are not. There are so many incidental casualties in this situation. This loss is truly heartbreaking and should not get lost in the shuffle. Again, my sympathies to you and your loved ones.
ReplyDeleteIncidental casualties is the best way to describe it. Thanks you
DeleteYour post puts things into perspective, doesn't it? Your friend can't travel due to the virus potential and protecting her elderly father, and restrictions on funerals, all tough. Take care and be well.
ReplyDeleteYes, very tough. And her friends here can't hug her or do the normal things for her that we would want to do.
DeleteSo very sorry for your friend. There is no closure without a chance to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
The lack of closure and inability to go see her family is the hardest. I said to her yesterday she doesn't get to grieve like everyone else and that truly sucks.
DeleteHow sad for your friend and awful that you can't be there to give her a hug but what a way for her mum to go, in her sleep with no pain at a good age. xxx
ReplyDeleteYes, she died the way she wanted to at home. I went to see my friend yesterday and we had a good talk, but it was still so bloody hard not to hug her
DeleteMy sympathies on the passing of your friend's mom. She was clearly a woman who kept things to herself. I'm glad your friend has you nearby for support.
ReplyDeleteI am certain she kept things quiet as never in a million years would want to end up in the hospital with all this covid crap. She died on her own terms, even if it was a shock to her family
DeleteI'm so very sorry. It's just really hard to imagine not being able to properly mourn.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is very tough on her.
DeleteOh how sad. No matter what the person's age, when it is so sudden it is somehow harder. And then not being able to grieve properly! And you're right, it does put things into perspective doesn't it!
ReplyDeleteI think that is the hardest part of it all, she is not allowed to grieve like we normally do with what is going on. She seems to be doing ok though, thankfully
DeleteSorry for your friends loss but I am happy that is was the wee jolt that you needed to change your thinking pattern. I was able to get out to my doldrums a few days ago. Virtual hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteYes it definitely was a jolt. No more feeling sorry for myself
DeleteSo sad to have this happen right now and now be able to be with family when needed. I may complain a bit about not being able to get home right now, but I am so thankful Wayne and I have a nice place to stay with everything we need to be safe and comfortable. That's not the case for so many. Thanks for the nudge and wake up call. - Margy
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